RE-Juicing the Common Ground with Rowan Duczek
- DIRECT COMMUNICATION I use clear and honest communication with open listening, heart-felt responses, loving acceptance and straightforwardness, I talk to people rather than about them. In public and in private I do not malign or demean others. I may seek helpful advice but do not seek to collude.
I presume this particular Guideline is the most difficult to aspire to. I know no-one, including myself, who has not – at one time or other – spoken about someone else.
Sometimes, it is just not possible to have an open, heartfelt and direct communication; either there are still too many unresolved issues and feelings, or it is near impossible to make oneself understood, no matter how hard one tries. Some of us might well have felt that with our parents or even our partners and especially our ex-partners.
Silence can be an option but – oh – silence can have so many different colourings and connotations. It can be an open-hearted, compassionate listening or an icy punishment. My mum, bless her, was very good at the latter.
I believe that it can be helpful at times to talk with a trusted friend about someone else one has difficulties with. I have done that quite often and have always valued another’s perspective who is not involved in the issue. I presume, it always depends on my intention, is it for eventual healing or do I just need to have a rant? And even the latter can be helpful. Letting off steam with a friend about someone else can at least let the steam evaporate and let a calmer and clearer perspective emerge. Humour is a great helper in such a situation.
In this age of mobile phones, texts and e-mails it is ever more important to double-check what one puts out. Any immediate, reactive responses tend not to be helpful. Once it is out there, it really IS out there, and on reflection one might well regret the message sent.
To quote one of the Desert Fathers, who searched for silence, solitude and never ceasing prayer in the early days of Christianity;
“I have often repented of having spoken, but never of having remained silent.“
